Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Facebook Lies about Donald Trump

Yesterday I got on my train home and, as I went to sit down, I noticed a very accusatory message scrolled across the seat in marker. It said "Jerry has feline AIDS". Yes, very accusatory indeed. Obviously I needed to share this important health information, so I posted it as my status on Facebook.


So you know how Facebook does that thing? That thing where you accidentally use the wrong word in your status and Facebook makes all kinds of assumptions about what you might "Like" and your sidebar is all crowded with ridiculousness?


What kinds of things would Facebook assume I like, you might wonder, after posting a status about feline AIDS? Perhaps they would suggest I like Petco... or... antiretrovirals? As it turns out, Facebook doesn't discriminate based on species. Facebook suggested, quite simply, that I might "Like" AIDS.


Ok. Am I the only one? Is it just me or is weird to "Like" AIDS? Not "AIDS research". Not "find a cure for AIDS". Nope. Just AIDS. Like. AIDS.


I followed up the first status about feline AIDS with another stating how odd it was that Facebook wanted me to "Like" AIDS. At that point, Facebook really started to understand who I am as a person. Did I "Like" Medicine? How about Africa? I mean, I did say AIDS twice, after all. Interestingly enough, 10 times as many people "Like" medicine as do AIDS. And, in case you are wondering, you can actually "Like" Xanax. That's way more specific than just "medicine". I mean, I can get behind a Xanax liker, but I don't want to be lumped in with 183,000 people who are liking diarrhea medicine or whatever.


So thank you Facebook. I've been waiting all my life for someone to make blind assumptions about my personality and preferences based on one or two words taken completely out of context.


And now, for your amusement, here is a conversation I had with Nadine on Facebook about Donald Trump.


Michael: It's not really that Donald Trump said the shit he said. That man will say anything to make people pay attention to him. It's that people hang on his every word and believe it, that's the problem.

Jaclyn: I wonder if that will work in reverse. Let's see how many things we can get people to believe about Donald Trump.
April 27 at 9:41pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump was an original member of the Rat Pack.
April 27 at 9:41pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump makes cologne out of $100 bills and calls it "Eau de Douche".
April 27 at 9:42pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump wears a toupee not because of male pattern baldness, but because he was in a terrible accident as a child and and a piece of his brian is exposed.
April 27 at 9:43pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump cured Magic Johnson's AIDS.
April 27 at 9:43pm · LikeUnlike


Jaclyn: Donald Trump is Mel Gibson's real father.
April 27 at 9:44pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump got "Trump Tower" tattooed on his dick.
April 27 at 9:44pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump's first job was as a taxidermist's apprentice. It's where he got the idea for his show.
April 27 at 9:47pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump is the inspiration behind the Dumbledore character in the Harry Potter books.
April 27 at 9:48pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump was the first to coin the phrase "Adonis DNA" and he currently has a copyright infringement lawsuit pending against Charlie Sheen.
April 27 at 9:51pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump discovered rapper Ludacris.
April 27 at 9:56pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump uses a particle accelerator to mix his drinks.
April 27 at 10:00pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: MORE! I'M LOVING ALL OF THESE.
April 27 at 10:07pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: You are supposed to add your own! You know how this game works!
April 27 at 10:08pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump is an advertising genius and was the brains behind "looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker" circa 1992.
April 27 at 10:09pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump is flamboyantly gay.
April 27 at 10:10pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: His first gay experience? George Steinbrenner.
April 27 at 10:10pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: Donald Trump is going to be the next Spiderman in "Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark".
April 27 at 10:10pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump was originally cast in the Richard Gere role in "Pretty Woman".
April 27 at 10:12pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump is a novelist. His pen name? Stephenie Meyer.
April 27 at 10:13pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: Donald Trump can run a 3-minute mile .... backwards.
April 27 at 10:14pm · UnlikeLike


Jaclyn: Donald Trump has gills on his neck that allow him to breathe under water.
April 27 at 10:14pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: Donald Trump menstruates.
April 27 at 10:15pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: That isn't coming out of his vagina. He has really bad hemorhoids is all.
April 27 at 10:16pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Sacajawea was just Donald Trump in drag.
April 27 at 10:17pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: Donald Trump can eat at White Castle and not get diarhhea.
April 27 at 10:18pm · UnlikeLike


Jaclyn: Donald Trump has 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.
April 27 at 10:19pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: Donald Trump's hair is made out of sea whip coral.
April 27 at 10:21pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump discovered the lost city of Atlantis.
April 27 at 10:21pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: Actually, Donald Trump was BORN in the lost city of Atlantis, disqualifying him from American presidency.
April 27 at 10:22pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump can hit the highest note of Mariah Carey's "Emotions".
April 27 at 10:22pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Donald Trump started his fortune after slaughtering all the leprechauns and stealing their gold.
April 27 at 10:24pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: ‎....NAZI gold.
April 27 at 10:26pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: You out? Cause that means I win.
April 27 at 10:27pm · LikeUnlike

Nadine: You win. I'm going to bed. Donald Trump invented the tempurpedic mattress, btw.
April 27 at 10:28pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Duh. That's because he was working for NASA at the time.
April 27 at 10:31pm · LikeUnlike

Jaclyn: Last one: Donald Trump's sperm are shaped like seahorses.
April 27 at 10:35pm · Like



2 comments:

AKD said...

I am laughing my balls off at these, and i don't have balls.

Also, the word verification wants me to type in "menses."

Jaclyn said...

menses? WOW, they are recognizing the shit out of you being a mommy blogger :)