Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Backwash Chronicles

So we've been over it a few times now: toddlers are disgusting.

But you already knew that. There is one area in particular though that gets me every time.


Backwash.


Last night we had pizza for dinner (because I'm a good mom and I definitely don't feed my kid shit every night for dinner- specifically, I certainly didn't feed her McDonalds chicken nuggets the night before). Caitlyn is a picky eater. This isn't news either, but she seemed to take a liking to pizza. Or PEE-AH, as she spent the next 3 hours wandering around the house calling it.


When I say she "took a liking" to pizza, let me clarify and say that she certainly did not sit nicely and eat a slice of pizza. Nope. I would guess the dog ate 3/4 of her pizza. What she liked, in particular, was sucking the sauce and grease off the pizza. I had taken off the cheese because I'm completely paranoid, so she pretty much just had the slice pushed up against her face while she licked it clean.


I'm used to this kind of stuff. She is naturally gross. But Caitlyn has this thing about having a drink after ever bite of food. She will entertain the sippy cup thing for about 5 minutes before "sharing" it with the dog by holding over his face and dropping it on top of him. And that means sippy cup time is over. Within seconds of dropping her cup, she will eye up my glass and give me her usual chorus of "puh-puh-puh" as she begs for a drink of my water. Because it is different from her water, obviously. Infinitely better, in fact.

At this point I usually try several times to give her back her sippy cup. You know how in movies sometimes a guy will sweep everything off a desk with one arm before throwing down the lady he's about to bang? That is what Caitlyn does with her sippy cup. Or pretty much anything else she doesn't want. She very dramatically sweeps everything off the tray of her high chair with one arm. It's fucking obnoxious. Anyway, after 2 or 3 times of her doing that, I usually give in and let her drink from my cup, otherwise she will refuse to eat anything else.

Which returns us to backwash. Like I said, Caitlyn's primary dinner last night consisted of pizza sauce and grease. And then I had to share my water with her. You know that thing grease does when it gets into water? How it streaks your water all white and slimy and its all you can do not to gag just looking at it? Yeah. Ask me if I was thirsty after THAT.

So I will end on this note: Dear Toddlers, DRINK FROM YOUR OWN FUCKING CUP!!! Love & Kisses, Mommy

2 comments:

AbsoluteMommy said...

Solid. Also disgusting when your child spits chewed food out at your Mother In Laws thanksgiving celebration last Sunday. Yeah just spit it out on the table in front over everyone... And yeah the food sucked to it wasn't an "I'm a baby" moment... It was your "cooking suck ass" kind of moment.
People keep telling me I'm going to miss all this shit...
Really?
Happy Thanksgiving,
Megan

AKD said...

Caitlyn is awesome and gross! Love her.