Monday, April 23, 2012

Back From the Brink

Did you miss me? Oh wait, what's that? You didn't even notice I was gone? (I'm discounting you, Ninja, since you are the best stalker ever). Well, I WAS gone. Very gone. Very, very gone, in fact.

I was in the mountains at a bad ass cabin with an indoor pool and hot tub. You know, because I'm fucking fancy. But you know what they take away when they give you a hot tub? CELL PHONE RECEPTION. And Wifi. I think we all had a mini panic attack when we realized we wouldn't be able to check Facebook for 5 whole days. You know what I realized though? I fucking needed to not check Facebook for 5 days. I needed it so hard.

 As for the actual vacation, I had the best time ever. I relaxed. I napped. I motherfucking hot-tubbed. I got drunk every single night (though, I'm kind of ashamed to admit that my tolerance for alcohol is practically non-existent at this point. When I say I got drunk, I mean I had 2-3 drinks every night). One of the most enjoyable things for me was not to be overscheduled. I'm usually that asshole on vacation who has every minute of every day planned down to the potty breaks. I could blame Caitlyn, because having a toddler does make it kind of necessary to plan shit breaks, but we've only really been on one vacation with her. I guess I'm just a planner when it comes to relaxation. Because everyone knows that (despite my usual tendency to be late for fucking EVERYTHING) being a militant asshole if anyone (RODOLFO) throws off my plans, is the one true path to relaxation and enjoyment.

Anyway. There were a few activities. We went horseback riding. We visited some local caverns and took pictures of particularly phallic stalagmites. We swept up dead bugs (and really. That was an activity. There were so many dead bugs. And live bugs, for that matter. All the bugs. All of them). Mostly though, we hung out and drank and read books and ate barbeque.

I think I mentioned it in another post, but for the record, this was a vacation I took with a group of my friends. My husband and child stayed home. I bring it up now because I had a pretty shitty revelation on my way home. As I mentioned before, there was no cell phone reception at all. None. There was, however, a house phone. I could not even get a text out to Rodolfo because I have pauper phone company, T-Mobile. Nadine, however, has Verizon so I could at least send him a text with the house number to have him call me.

He did not call me. Well, that's not exactly true. He called me the first night. Then I received daily calls from our babysitter (who I later found out he questioned every day to be sure I didn't call her, because he was convinced I was lying about not having reception). On our way back home, I figured I'd call him when we stopped for lunch, but he called me before I had a chance and was pissed that I was within cell phone range and didn't immediately call him, despite his ignoring me for 4 days.

 So that's when I realized it. The thing I needed a vacation from the most. It wasn't Caitlyn or MS or house hunting or even work. It's him. He is the number one stress factor in my life. So I don't know (I also don't know how this post went from "fun vacation stuff" to "maybe my marriage sucks"). That's it I guess. Not really sure where to go from here.


Gia said...

Eeek, that must be a crappy feeling, realizing he is a source of stress. At least your vacation was relaxing?

Jana said...

That sucks, I'm sorry. At least you were able to relax and unwind with some good friends.

AKD said...

I'm so sorry that he's a stress factor, when it should be him who helps you cope. I'm so glad you had a fabulous time, though, and could still get updates on Caitlyn through your babysitter.

Nadine Nell said...

WAAAAAH I MISS DRINKING AND NAP TIMES. And all the dead bugs.... I wiiiiillll remmmeeemmmmber youuuuuu

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that is definitely a no good realization. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe trying to deal with whatever underlying issues there are? Maybe he just doesn't REALIZE he's a huge asshole?? :)

Good luck, chica. Sorry about the marriage stuff. Yay for vacations, though?

Jaclyn said...

@Gia & Jana - yeah, I definitely had an awesome vacation

@Angie- It's really annoying that I can count on the babysitter more than I can count on him!

@Nadine- Drinks. All. The. Drinks. And Bugs.

@Misty- he knows. He so very much knows.

Front Desk Ninja said...

Dude I'm still a little pissed I got no drunk messages.
I mean, if Nadine had a good phone, you could have freaked me the fuck out with a drunk voxer from someone elses phone.
But it's fine. I am glad you had a good timmmme, even though I missed you.

Nadine Nell said...

Ninja, I got one bar of 3G for like an hour a day. In the morning. It was like being in connectivity PRISON.

but yo if you want dirty calls and texts I'm ya homie for that.