Monday, August 15, 2011

I Have a Wrinkle and a Midlife Crisis

I'm getting old.

There are the obvious things, like the fucking wrinkle I have on my forehead and the occassional gray hair that make me want to get botox and shit. And then there are the more subtle clues. The things that creep up. The kinds of things you have to think back to your youth about and realize that you have to THINK BACK TO YOUR YOUTH. Because you are old and probably gonna die soon. Here is a list of things that made me feel old last week.

1. Sandblasted jeans. I went shopping for new jeans a few days ago. I picked up a folded pair and went into the dressing room to try them on. And then they were on and I realized they were sandblasted. And I thought "fuck... do people my age still wear sandblasted jeans?". I concluded that, no, in fact they do not. And I got some fucking grown up jeans instead.

2. Cute. I've always been cute. It is common knowledge. Not hot or pretty or sexy. Just downright adorable. And I wasn't ever the kind of girl who took it to mean that I was less attractive than the hot girls. It was just a different kind of attractiveness. And then someone called me cute over the weekend. And I realized that cute isn't going to last forever and my fat ass needs to work on some sexy before there is no cute left.

3. Strollers. Remember being a teenager? Or in your early 20s? Remember going to the mall and seeing all those moms pushing their kids around in a stroller looking decidedly middle-aged compared to your young, carefree ass? I'm the fucking stroller mom now. Fuck. FUCK.

4. Hangovers. I got my drank on Saturday night. And I spent all day Sunday in bed hunched over with stomach cramps or in the bathroom with diarrhea because old people can't have 3 drinks without spending the entire next day in shit limbo.

That is all.


AKD said...

Terminally cute here, too.