Friday, March 9, 2012

Sharing is Caring

As previously mentioned, sometimes my kid is an asshole. I'm doing my best to combat that by teaching her the basic principles of being a human being that the other human beings want to be around.

In particular, I've been trying hard to convey the fact that the world does not revolve around her. She is not happy about this most of the time. Because, really, she wants an ice pop NOW. She wants to watch Dora NOW. She wants to play with my phone NOW. Caitlyn is struggling with the idea that sometimes, maybe, something besides her whims are my priority.

That being said, she is a socialized kid. Despite being an only child, she has cousins very close to her age and she's been with a babysitter since she was 8 weeks old. She's always been around other kids and she mostly does well with not being the center of the universe when they are around.

This brings us to sharing. Or, more specifically, that despite her blatant narcissism, Caitlyn is getting pretty good at it.

The problem with sharing, though, is that once a kid starts to really understand the concept, you have to accept all of their attempts at sharing, even when they are fucking disgusting.

The other night, Caitlyn was eating an ice pop. She has a little game she plays with the dog, where he chases her around trying to snatch her food and she runs away squealing and giggling, holding it over her head. Caitlyn is in the lowest percentile for height and weight. The dog is a fat cocker spaniel. Guess who usually wins that game.

Anyway, she's never upset when the dog takes her food. In fact, if he doesn't chase after her, she will stick her food in his face until she has his complete attention. This is what happened with the ice pop. She was sitting on my lap, alternating licks with Joey (yes, it is disgusting, but it's not going to hurt her so I don't give a shit), a virtual master at sharing (because, you guys, she fucking LOVES ice pops).

And then she realized that it wasn't enough. She realized she needed to take it one step further. She realized that it simply wasn't fair to only share with the dog. And she shoved her dog/toddler covered slime pop into my mouth. Shoved. Like the male lead in a 70s porno. After multiple attempts at dodging it, telling her "thank you, baby, but mommy doesn't want any", I became the dog in her mind. She was going to get me to play her game. She spent 10 minutes going back and forth between cramming it in my mouth, despite my many (MANY) protests and attempts to dodge it, then letting the dog lick it a few times. Then licking it herself a few times. My god, this sounds more and more like I'm describing a three-way scene in a porn the more I explain it.

Anyway, so sharing. It is infinitely more disgusting with toddlers, much like, well, absolutely everything else. But hey, my kid is slightly less of an asshole now!

Finally, I should note that there are some things that Caitlyn refuses to share. Apparently my less-than-2 year old nearly got into a smack-down at the playground yesterday. Why, you ask? Because some 4 year old was following around her man (our babysitter's son). I can't even get mad at her for that. Bitches be crazy if they think they can just roll up on her boyfriend like that.


Jana said...

When my daughter was 2 we took her for her first ice cream cone and when we were all done, we tried to put her's in the trash since she was totally molesting the thing and it was all gunky, she threw herself on the floor and screamed "MINE" to everyone in 31 flavors. Pitched a ginormous fit of epic portions. That kid does not share ice cream if you were starving and she had the last mint chip cone, your ass would be dead.

Jaclyn said...

Haha. Caitlyn is usually like that with her ice pops... at least to me. She always fucking shares with the dog though.

But speaking of fits... I made the mistake of trying to buy shoes today and she felt the need to rip off her socks and shoes and run to the front of the store every 30 seconds wearing the shoes I was trying on. So I'm trying to get the hell out of there and she was not happy about my taking away *her* new shoes. So there she is, barefoot and screaming while I'm cursing under my breath to just leave your FUCKING SHOES ON! Because its fucking 40 degrees outside and I can't just walk out with a barefoot baby without getting a lot more dirty looks then I did inside the store, you know.

Mother Knows Best Reviews said...

I so get the forced sharing thing, but I am lucky we don't have a dog. That is a layer of gross I can't handle!

Gia said...

Hahhahahh EW. OH man, that is gross. But I have a thing where I love dogs but have no interest in sharing their spit. Maybe I'm weird.

Misty said...

That would have completely unnerved me. First, I would have ripped that thing out of her hand so fast after the dog licked it, and yes, I would have had a screaming toddler on my hands, but I am completely dog slobber adverse. Gross. My 3 year old tries to forcibly share stuff with me all the time, but luckily not with the dog. The most recent thing he shared with me was his nasty cold. Yeah, thanks a lot for that one, little guy!

Jaclyn said...

So what you are all saying is that I am exceptionally gross for letting my kid swap spit with the dog? Hmm... just as I suspected.