Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Birthday Plagues

Are you looking for a way to be 200% more disgusting and disease-ridden? Let me tell you, having kids is the way to go!

Is 200% just not disgusting enough? Try corralling the little disease mongers all in one place. Like your child's first birthday party! Nothing says "let's celebrate" like pink eye and vomit!

So Saturday was Caitlyn's first birthday party. And don't get me wrong, it was lovely. We had a beautiful day, weather-wise, and I was excited that her very first birthday actually fell on a Saturday so we could celebrate with everyone together. There was cake, presents and merriment.

The problem became that not EVERYONE was together. I mean, the most important players were there, save for my step-father, Jerry, who was home with a vicious chest cold. But there were definitely a few other absentees who didn't make it because they weren't feeling well. I'm not mad about it or anything. Who needs a bunch of sickies at a baby's birthday party? No one. That's who.

So remember my dad? He stopped by my house last week while Caitlyn had the stomach flu and apparently he caught it. There must be an incubation period of about a week, because despite feeling crappy for a few days before, the full force of the stomach plague didn't hit him till Saturday. Despite having to take the bus and whining incessantly about how inconvenient it would be, he decided that, stomach flu and all, he would come to Caitlyn's party. And infect the masses. He showed up an hour late, hung around for half an hour, then passed out in my brother-in-law's car for the remainder of the party because he felt so shitty.

Another sickly party goer was my niece, Adrianna. She's had what seemed like a cold and was all slimy and drowsy. My sister really didn't want to miss Caitlyn's party and decided to bring her anyway. And for the most part, besides toward the end when she was very tired, she did very well and played with her cousins and had fun.

Overall, the party was a success. While I was setting up, the new director of the parks department in our county came over to introduce himself and gave me a bunch of free passes for the zoo, carousel and train ride, which all the children thoroughly enjoyed. The older kids, having made it through the zoo and back to the party site before a few of us who had smaller kids, used their active imaginations to think up fun new games for them to play. Games like "who can keep their hand in the bucket of ice water the longest". Ahh yes, childhood innocence!

After the zoo, carousel and "iceberg" games, we sang "Happy Birthday" and cut the cake. Caitlyn had her own little cake, which she dove into with both hands until she was elbow deep in frosting. It was all very adorable. We ended the party shortly after that and all the kids went home with super awesome, age-appropriate gift bags that I made for them (3 and under got a sippy cup and hand puppet, older girls got an assortment of Hello Kitty party garbage and older boys got a water gun and candy). We loaded our car full of goodies and went home. Where we stayed for approximately an hour before I had to take Rodolfo to the emergency room.

Rodolfo has had pretty severe pollen allergies (or as I like to call them, pussy allergies) as long as I've known him, but they've been getting progressively worse over the last few years. I think this is the case for a lot of people (or that's what I've heard- I dunno, I bet it's global warming's fault), but his are very difficult to manage because he has yet to find an antihistamine that does anything to help. So after spending an entire day outside in mid-spring, his eyes were as red as a Twilight vampire and tearing and swelling to the point where he could barely see to drive home (we took 2 cars- I'm not an asshole who just refused to drive him). In addition to the eyes, he had really bad asthma as a kid, which always kicks back up around allergy season. So he couldn't breathe so well either. And he was boogering out his nose like his life depended on large quantities of mucus.

So we did go to the ER. Where they did nothing, but managed to get us out in record time (less than an hour). Basically they said "here are some prescriptions for your symptoms, don't abuse them and go see an allergist". Hmmm... an allergist. Why had that never occured to him before? I mean, it makes sense that I would never think of it, because I have strong genes and don't suffer from such immune system failures as ALLERGIES. Fucking allergies. Really. He informed me that he DID get an allergy shot once and that it hadn't worked. That he was "referred" by someone he used to work with to some doctor in the ghetto who "didn't ask any questions and just gave (me) a shot". Yeah, genius. I wonder why that didn't work out for you.

Anyway. So to say I had a long day on Saturday would be putting in mildly. I ran around from 8:30am-9:30pm between set-up, party, clean-up, ER and prescription filling. So when I woke up Sunday morning feeling achy and exhausted, I wasn't suprised or concerned or thinking I had been infected with the stomach plague at all. By Sunday evening my stomach was a little upset and I skipped dinner, but I still didn't think much of it.

When I woke up Monday morning, I felt like I was hit by a truck. I was freezing and sweating at the same time and I could barely get out of bed. I got up, brushed my teeth and started getting dressed for work. Then I vomitted, took off my pants and went back to sleep. And then I pretty much slept the entire day. I got up a couple of times, to feed or change Caitlyn, but mostly she hung out and played in her crib all day while I slept. I really couldn't have asked for her to be any better. Rodolfo came home a few hours later and he took care of her the rest of the day while I slept and occasionally ate a piece of toast.

As it turns out, it was a good thing I was too sick to go to work yesterday. A few hours after I sent my sister a text to let her know I would be staying home with Caitlyn, she texted me back to tell me she wouldn't be able to watch her till Thursday. Remember how Adrianna was a little sick and slimy at the party? Apparently she had pink eye, and she gave it to my nephew. A few hours after that, my younger sister texted me too "In case A. didn't tell you, Adrianna has pink eye, sorry if Caitlyn gets it too". As of yet, Caitlyn has no symptoms of pink eye and I'm really hoping it stays that way.

As I've mentioned before, we are all close to my mother. We talk to her about everything, and baby stuff in particular. I call my mother long before I ever call my doctor. And if I've spoken to both of them and gotten conflicting advice, I'll usually take my mother's word first. So naturally, I had called her to tell her about all the plagues and whatnot. Adrianna lives with her, so she knew about the pink eye, but when I told her about the stomach plague, she informed me that she too, had gotten it. And remember how my step-dad was too sick to make it to the party at all? As it turns out, he has pneumonia (complicated by COPD and emphysema) and was admitted to the hospital last night for IV antibiotics.

That last part doesn't sound funny. Unless you heard it from my mother's point of view. "I had to leave Jerry at the hospital and come home because every time I coughed I would shit my pants". Yeah. My mom's a classy bitch like that. In fact, my mom's ass has long been a future I've feared for myself. It's sort of a running joke in my family how my mom has no control of her bodily excretions. Like, she's at that age, ya know. That age where she pees her pants all the time. And sometimes she poops her pants. And it shouldn't be funny, but oh my, is it ever funny. I have to think it's funny because if I don't, I'll start to think about how it's probably my future too (this is a problem that has plagued many generations of the women in her family).

Anyway. I'm all off-track making fun of my poor mother's incontinence problems. My point is that there were plagues. Everyone was sick. I hope this doesn't set some sort of trend for Caitlyn's future birthday parties or I'm gonna have to insist that all the invited guests live in a plastic bubble for a few weeks leading up to the party. Plastic bubble. That sounds reasonable, right?




Pics to come soon...


Mother Knows Best Reviews said...

I'm having trouble deciding what is my favorite line of this post, but here's what's winning out so far:

"Anyway. I'm all off-track making fun of my poor mother's incontinence problems"

Happy first birthday, Caitlyn! Thank you for being good for your mommy while she was ridiculously ill!