My Glorious Return

Do you guys remember that scene in Titanic after the ship sinks, when Kate is on that door in the ocean and Leo is all dead already, and help has finally arrived and you hear one of the rescuers call out over the silence "IS ANYONE ALIVE OUT THERE?"? That's how I feel right now. I mean, I guess it's not so dramatic as "I left you here without me to freeze and die", exactly, but shit, it's been a while. I wouldn't exactly blame you if you weren't still checking for new posts.

Anyway. It's in my best interests to not get too much into detail about my absence, but suffice it to say that when you curse a lot and make jokes about beating your kids on your blog, anyone who wants to use it against you to make you look like a bad parent absolutely has a window to do so. Or they can try, at least. You can't actually prove someone is a bad parent when they aren't one. Some people just don't have a sense of humor (or shame), I guess.

I seriously considered blogging anonymously, but quite frankly, fuck that. I am a parent, and sure, I am flawed. But I love the shit out of my kids and I know I'm a good mom to them. My little fartknockers are happy and growing and seriously two of the most hilarious people I've ever met in my entire life. Caitlyn will be 7 soon. That little pants-crapper from my earliest posts is a sassy, opinionated First grader now. Alex is the most empathetic kid I've ever met. Oh, do I have so much to tell you about Alex! She was just a little baby when I stopped posting about my kids, and I have a mountain of hilarious stories for you guys.

I will be posting regularly again, and I promise to jump into the funny shit you've missed in my next post. But I had to start somewhere. And for now, that's these 4 little bullshit paragraphs, checking to see if there are still any signs of life out here.

Baby Shower Family Feud

It's been a while.

On the one hand, a lot of the nonsense in my life is finally calming down. It seems like my court battles are finally over for now- they didn't go how I would have liked, but for better or worse, this is the first time in a year that I do not have a court date looming in the near future, and that's a relief. So the bad stuff is finally starting to feel manageable.

That doesn't mean that I'm not busy to a ridiculous degree, though. I'm really excited about the next few months. I'm going on a desperately needed vacation in 2 weeks. Then, in May my baby sister is getting married. But what I'm most excited about right now is that my best friend will be joining the ranks of motherhood in June.

Naturally, I'm planning a baby shower for her, which is actually one of the reasons I'm posting today. I need some help with a game I'm putting together for the shower. I'm doing a pregnancy/parenting related "Family Feud" game. For those who never watched Family Feud, the premise of the game is that they ask 100 random people a bunch of questions and then rank the answers based on how many people gave a particular answer, then the contestants have to guess which answers were given by those 100 people, and they get points based on the number of people whose answers match their guesses.

Anyway. I'd like the answers to be given by people who AREN'T going to the shower, because I think it'll be more fun that way, so I'm asking for your help. I'm posting the questions below and asking for your answers- either in comments or via email at hamburgercheeks57@gmail.com . Like I said, ideally I would like to get 100 people to answer these questions for me, so please pass them along to anyone else who wouldn't mind answering them for me. Thank you all in advance for your help (and I promise to post again soon, with more dirty details on my court debacle and updates on my girls!)!

1.       Name something moms are always covered in.

2.       Name a reason a baby might be crying.

3.       Name a reason a 4 year old might be crying.

4.       When you have a child, peace and quiet is ______.

5.       Ever since I had kids, I’m turning into _______.

6.       Name something a mom wouldn’t want to leave the house without.

7.       Name a common pregnancy symptom.

8.       Name something offensive a stranger might say to a pregnant woman.

9.       Name something moms can’t live without.

10.   Name something moms do when they are in labor.

11.   Name something men do when their wife is in labor.

12.   Name something a girl’s dad has to worry about that a boy’s dad doesn’t.

13.   Name a tv show that kids love to watch.

14.   Name a tv show that moms HATE to watch.

15.   Name something a pregnant woman shouldn’t do/eat.

16.   Name a common pregnancy myth.

17.   Name a word or phrase people only use when they’re talking about pregnancy.

18.   How much sleep does the average mom get?

19.   Name a parenting choice moms commonly disagree about.

20.   Name something you (wrongly) swore you would never do/let your kids do before you had any actual kids.

21.   Name something your parents did when you were a child that would get them into a lot of trouble today.

22.   Name your favorite children’s book

Baby Bunny: The Many Ways My Second Child Has Made Me Realize I Was Crazy When I Had My First

Baby Alexandra was born on December 3rd.

I have to admit, I wasn't really looking forward to having a newborn again. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. In part, I blame my sister, whose new baby boy was born at the end of October and whose Facebook feed after his birth was a train wreck of miserable-sounding updates about how whiny and difficult her new baby was.

It got me thinking about Caitlyn's first few months on this Earth. I would never say she was a bad baby, but I do remember feeling overwhelmed by her needs. She seemed to always need something- a bottle, a diaper change, a burp, non-specific comfort. Add to that sleep deprivation and the fact that she wouldn't latch so I was pumping my breastmilk every 2 hours, and it felt like a never-ending cycle where I didn't even have time to take a shower. And I had help back then. Rodolfo and I were living together, and he brought his parents to stay with us for the first month after Caitlyn was born.

So I was thinking of all of this. Of the neediness. Of not having someone always around to help. Of having to do all that newborn baby, needy meatloaf shit while simultaneously taking care of my 3 year old. And I was a little freaked out.

And then my new baby came and I realized all that freaking out was for nothing. She's totally sweet and easy and mellow. Also? I realized that I was kind of a paranoid fucking crazy person when I had my first daughter. Here are some other lessons I learned:

1. Taking a shower isn't negligent parenting. No newborn baby ever died/was ruined for life because they woke up during mommy's 10 minute shower and cried for a few minutes while she was busy washing crusted breastmilk off her nipples and making sure her c-section incision didn't end up infected because she hadn't showered in a week. Also? That hilarious nonsense where I'd put Caitlyn in her bouncy seat and bring it into the bathroom with me just to be sure she didn't smother herself in her crib while I showered? No thanks. She couldn't even fucking move. What did I really expect was going to happen? And another thing about that- if the baby starts crying while I shampoo my hair, I'm not going to stop shampooing my hair out of guilt (and you can only really hear them crying if you bring them in the bathroom with you anyway). Wait 5 minutes kid, I promise you'll survive.

2. Everyone thinks you are a moron when you have a newborn. And I'm not just talking about well-meaning old grannies on the street who want to tell you all the ways in which your baby isn't warm enough. I'm talking about the very first people you encounter after having the baby- the hospital staff. Man, do they ever think you're an idiot. And the first time, they are sorta right. As a first-time mom, I remember listening so intently to every ridiculously obvious piece of advice they gave me at the hospital. Sure, a lot of it seemed like common sense, but in the same way, a lot of it was stuff that never even occurred to me to think about. This time? Did I really need to attend the "mandatory" class the hospital expects you to take before you leave? Thanks, but I already knew that I shouldn't leave my newborn on a counter and walk away. I already knew that I should burp her halfway through a feeding. And, presumably everyone attending this class has been tending to a vagina on a regular basis for a minimum of 15-20 years, right? What grown ass woman needs it explained to her that she should be "wiping front to back" when changing diapers? Because really, that's just a delicate way of saying "you know you shouldn't smear shit into your infant daughter's vagina, right?". WE SHOULD ALL KNOW THIS ALREADY!

3. Neediness of the baby variety is significantly less impressive to me this time around. As I said, with Caitlyn, it was a big transition going from doing whatever the fuck I wanted to constantly putting the needs of another person ahead of my own. It was overwhelming. Now? Well, I have to say, the needs of my 3 year old greatly outnumber the needs of my newborn. The baby? Food, sleep, fresh diapers. That is literally it. Sometimes she wants to be held and sometimes she's got a fart stuck in her belly that she's trying to get out, but other than that, she needs very little from me. Caitlyn, on the other hand, needs more than just basic life necessities. So in addition to having to make sure she is fed, clothed, and bathed, there are about a million other needs she has: Every single toy she sees on a commercial, for example (or Bulova watch on a billboard, for that matter. She's in an I-want-literally-everything-I-see phase). A glass of water the exact moment my head hits the pillow to go to sleep. Chocolate milk in her Happy Meal, even though I explicitly asked her multiple times and she insisted she wanted apple juice. And those are just some physical needs. Her emotional needs are endless and I'm expected to solve every existential crisis of her 3 year old life- why is the sky blue, what is that dog doing to that other dog, why can't I have a lollipop before dinner, why do I even have to eat dinner, why can't I look at my vagina in a public place, why does his mommy let him do stuff that my mommy doesn't let me do- WHY ARE YOU SUCH A MEAN MOMMY?? In the end, I'll do anything for my girls. That's what I signed up for when I signed up for being a mom. It's just funny in retrospect to think about how overwhelmed I was by providing only the most basic of needs for a cute, smooshy little meatball that couldn't even move (let alone throw a temper tantrum, or actively disobey me) when I put her down somewhere.

4. Sleep deprivation is another thing that was utterly jarring the first time around. Now? Well kid, I haven't had an uninterrupted night of sleep in 4 years, and you're out cold 20 hours a day. Come at me. I can handle it just fine.

5. They aren't as breakable as you think they are at first. Caitlyn's first few months were smooth sailing. At worst, I think she had a bad rash once or twice. I remember when she was about 6 or 7 months old. I had been clipping her fingernails, but I couldn't find the baby nail clipper, and so I made the poor choice to use a grown up one. You know where this is going. I clipped the tip of one of her fingers. Not like I clipped it off, but I cut it enough that it was bleeding pretty steadily for a solid 10 minutes. I spent those 10 minutes in absolute hysterics, begging Rodolfo to take us to the emergency room. And because I was clutching onto her, sobbing like a lunatic and cursing myself for being the cause of the first real pain she had ever felt- the "worst thing that had ever happened to her" by my own assessment- she was hysterical too. When I called my mom and asked her to please convey the seriousness of the situation to Rodolfo, she told me "maybe you need to calm down and listen to your husband. Because based on what you are telling me, I really doubt that you have to worry about her bleeding to death from the tip of her finger.".

I think back to that, to how laughable her "injury" was and how terrified I was that she wouldn't survive it without medical intervention, and I realize how far I've come. I was never really the hysterical type, and once Caitlyn started walking and injuring herself every 12 seconds or so, I really developed a "shake it off" mentality. In fact, Caitlyn will tell me she's shaking it off now if she gets a little bump or bruise.

I bring this last one up because of what we are going through right now. I don't think I could have handled it if it had happened to Caitlyn. I would have been writing checks to Jesus that my base faith level simply couldn't cash. Baby Alexandra, at 26 days old, got admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. She had some nasal congestion and was sneezing for a couple of days leading up to it, and I had brought her to the pediatrician, who gave me a nebulizer and saline solution to try to break up her congestion. And then a day or so later she spiked a fever and came down with a horrible cough. I followed up with a second visit 2 days after I took her initially, and got sent immediately to the ER. After a chest x-ray, some bloodwork, and a lumbar puncture, it was determined that Alex has RSV- a common respiratory infection that still would have sucked had she been a little older when she got it, but it probably wouldn't have ended up turning into pneumonia over the course of a day or two. So we've been in the hospital, and she was admitted to the pediatric ICU a few days ago, when her breathing got considerably worse and she wasn't able to breathe well enough to even eat. But we've made a lot of progress since then and we hope to be going home in a day or two. She's a tough little cookie, just like her sister, and she's fighting this with everything she's got.

So that's my update. I had that baby I was telling you guys about. What's that? Pictures you say? Why, of course there are pictures.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Divorce Court...

Actually, that title is a lie. Of course it didn't really happen on the way to divorce court. That would be just plain tacky. And I like to be enormously tacky.

So here is the thing. Remember how I started dating that guy? Yeah. That guy got me pregnant. And so, while it technically did not happen on the way to divorce court, I was absolutely a proper hoodrat about it and showed up to divorce court pregnant with another man's baby. Not that anyone knew. But I knew, and I felt the ghettoness of my roots in that moment. You can take the girl out of the projects, I suppose...

Anyway. Obviously you have some questions. Questions such as "are you really that stupid?" and "so, I guess you aren't having an abortion then?". Let's get in to that, as I'm going to find a way to blame this all on my ex husband.

As for the question of my intelligence, well, let me assure you, you aren't the first to ask. And rightfully so. I won't get into the messy details, but let's just say I had a lapse in judgment. Let's just say that I was so cocky about my knowledge of my cycles and fertility signs after multiple rounds of IVF and years of tracking and trying to get pregnant, that I simply got cavalier about the whole thing. I simply thought I knew too much to have an accidental pregnancy. So yeah, ok, I guess I'm kind of fucking stupid.

As for the abortion question. I looked to my past, to my struggles to conceive and my loss of a much loved and terribly wanted baby and I could not bring myself to do it. Even if it was the most logical choice. And I assure you, I do realize it was the most logical choice. Even now I sometimes find myself thinking "wow... I wish I could have been a bit more logical when I made this decision". It's not that I regret it, exactly. I just didn't really take as much time as I should have to think it through. Truthfully, I knew I'd never go through with it anyway, no matter how much I may have been able to convince myself that it was the best option.

And so, for the official record, today I am nearly 16 weeks pregnant. The future is murky and scary, but in the end I know I will love this baby no matter what else happens. I know I will find equal parts joy and challenge in being a single mother (and no, that doesn't mean the guy just dropped off the face of the Earth, but my reality is what it is and I have to be prepared for that). I know that when Caitlyn hugs my belly and tells me she wants a baby brother, who shall be named Pocoyo and who she shall paint blue, she will get an immense amount of joy from having a sibling to love. I know that we will be a family, in whatever version works best for us. I know we will carry on and love each other and support each other and be happy. As for everything else? Well, fuck if I know.

THAT Lady...

Think back to the days before you had kids. Remember THAT lady? You know the one I mean. The one with the screaming, asshole kids. Maybe you were in the grocery store and you rolled your eyes as she gave in to her screaming toddler's candy tantrum. Maybe you were in Target and she was the absent one, presumably, I don't know, fluffing her hair and buying fancy chocolate in another aisle while her little beasts terrorized the entire store. Maybe, god forbid, you were in a restaurant and you just wanted to enjoy your cocktail and appetizer and WHY WON'T THAT KID SHUT THE FUCK UP?

We've all been there. And we've all wondered (judged? Let's be real. We fucking judged. Hard.) why she couldn't simply control her kid. We realized the kid was an asshole, but also realized it was through no fault of his own. Asshole parents= asshole kids. There's just no getting around it. SOME people just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

And then. YOU. BECOME. THAT. LADY. The asshole. With the screaming, heathen kid. And all your judgment for other people's parenting (mostly) goes down the toilet. The mom with the toddler tantrum? Yeah, I've given my kid candy to shut her up too. Those little bastards in Target? THE GOOD CHOCOLATE IS ALL I HAVE LEFT, AND I HAVE TO FUCKING HIDE IT AND EAT IT AT 11:00 AT NIGHT OR SHARE WITH A ONE YEAR OLD. The restaurant? The part you don't hear is me begging my daughter to "shhhh... please stop screaming!" while she chucks food and crayons at me, tries to knock my drink over and grabs at anything hot or sharp that is even remotely within reach. My husband enjoys his meal while I shovel cold food into my gullet 15 minutes after it arrives because by the time Caitlyn's food is just cool enough for her to eat, mine is inexplicably ice cold absolutely every time.

Now, when I see a toddler throwing a tantrum, I wonder to myself if I have any toys or wipes in my purse that might help that mom out. I smile knowingly. What do I know? That kids are, in fact, assholes all on their own.

Let me rephrase that. Caitlyn isn't necessarily an asshole. Not all the time. In fact, not even MOST of the time. Most of the time she is sweet and lovely and charms the pants off of nearly everyone she meets. I think this is probably the case with most kids. And if you really think about how many kids there are at any given time in a grocery store or a Target, realistically, a good majority of them are being really good. But you don't notice the good ones. You only notice the assholes because those are the ones fucking up your shopping experience.

So I guess I'm saying sometimes kids are bad. And sometimes they are SO fucking bad that you want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment because you know everyone in the restaurant hates you right now. And no matter how quickly you shovel your food, grab the check and hightail it out of there, the 22 year olds at the table next to you are still going to tell everyone about the horrible mom with the jerkiest, whiniest kid EVER that they shouldn't even take out in public who sat next to them that night and ruined their good time.

Caitlyn has been on the receiving end of some bitchin' ass molars for the last month or so. And really, I've never seen her so volatile and easily irritated and prone to just going completely off the deep end at the slightest inconvenience. She's generally a little, ahem, used to getting her way anyway, but she's also usually easily placated when she doesn't get what she wants. But molars, man. Fucking molars are baby PMS. Between the mood swings and only wanting to eat ice cream, there simply isn't a better way to describe it.

So what I'm saying is, if you see me at the grocery store feeding my baby cookies while she stands in the cart and whines, don't fucking judge me. Because really, she's usually pretty awesome.

The Early Bird Gets the Taxidermied Cat (because you have to order those things WAY in advance)

Last year at Christmas, Caitlyn was only 7 months old. I was just getting out of my retail job at the beginning of December and I didn't really have a chance to fully appreciate just how awesome it was to not have to kill myself for the entire month.

When it came to Christmas shopping, I mostly did it in bursts. I'd spend my lunch hour shopping at my mall or I'd go to Walmart after work and try to get gifts for as many people as possible so I could avoid going to the store more than a few times. Caitlyn got a few toys, but I really didn't go overboard. I mean, my mom certainly did. I quite literally needed 2 cars to get home with all the stuff she bought. But I knew she was getting a ton of stuff, so maybe that's why I only bought a few things.

This year though, I'm truly looking forward to the holidays like I haven't been able to in years. And it's perfect timing because Caitlyn is now old enough to really enjoy them with me. My point is that I've started thinking about shopping for Christmas much earlier than I ever have before (mostly because I'm finally not dreading it), which got me to wondering what I should get her this year.

I know I want to get her a toy kitchen. Mostly because then maybe she will stop taking things out of my cabinets. And maybe a tricycle, though I'm not sure if she's really old enough for that yet. Besides those two things though, I'm kind of lost. So I started thinking about her interests. What does Caitlyn like? How can I leverage that into the perfect Christmas gift? So based on her current interests and hobbies, here is my list of possible appropriate gifts:

1. A Taxidermied Cat: Because she loves the living one SO MUCH, but she always runs away when Caitlyn tries to use her as a pillow! And fake stuffed animals just aren't the same!

2. Rock Climbing Lessons: Because the desk chair, baseboard heaters, kitchen table and her crib are no longer challenging her inner monkey. I supposed we will have to find a REALLY small harness, but it will be worth it if this in any way sets a fear of heights into motion. Because fuck kid, you are currently a fearless maniac.

3. Assorted Chew Toys and 500 Ice Pops: See The Teething Monster.

4. A Copy of "The Dukan Diet": Because it's all the rage now, and Caitlyn seems very concerned about keeping her girlish figure. The other night we had chicken, french fries and salad for dinner. After several failed attempts to get her to eat both chicken and fries, she pointed to my salad and said "puh-puh-puh" (this is Caitlyn for "please", because I'm the kind of mom who teaches my kid to be civilized and shit). I scoffed, but handed her a piece of lettuce thinking she would realize it was not candy and maybe decide to eat some chicken. Except she decided that lettuce was delicious and the only thing she was willing to eat that night. So I suspect she is already on a diet and I wouldn't want to derail that by offering her fat people food like french fries ever again. Actually... wait a minute. Did she just call me fat? Because I definitely WAS eating the french fries. I don't need your judgment, you freakishly tiny child!

5. An Ipod Touch: Because she loves to dance. This is a responsible purchase for a less than 2 year old, right? I mean, they have droolproofing or some shit, don't they? Stupid "genius" motherfuckers can pack 2,000 songs onto something the size of the palm of my hand but they can't create a droolproof case? Geniuses my ass.

6. Something That Brown People Like: Because she has recently been spotted being inappropriately loud in public, laughing at everything like someone just told OMGTHEBESTJOKEEVER, scowling at me as she openly disapproves of my choices, regardless of whether or not I've asked for her opinion and disregarding the fact that SOME people have jobs to go to in the morning. So... Coronas? I don't know. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


So what are you guys getting your kids this year? What else does Caitlyn need, because I'm pretty sure 2 taxidermied cats would be overkill.

Damn it Feels Good

Nadine pointed out to me today that my blog format is kinda shitty. I've been noticing problems with some stuff too, but I am not good at this shit, so she sent me some links to templates and she's going to help me figure it out.

The problem is that I can't seem to find a template that conveys my vision. It has to say "KIDS" when you first see it, but then you realize it isn't actually for kids at all. My first thought, upon realizing this was that I need a template that includes Elmo drinking a beer. Or a couple of Muppets having sex. Do any of you know where I might find such a template?

On a completely unrelated note (Am I master of segues? You betcha.) Caitlyn has a new thing she's been doing and I just found out why. How to explain?

Did you all grow up in the ghetto? I can't say my town was exactly "the ghetto" (not then anyway), but it was most certainly ghetto-adjacent. So you know how sometimes when you are in the ghetto, you want to acknowledge another gangsta? What do you do? You don't smile. Not unless you wanna get shot. You don't shake a motherfucker's hand. And you sure as shit don't go up to him and say "hi there buddy! How have you been?".

No. What you do is a brief half-nod type gesture with your head. It isn't a regular nod exactly. There is no up-and-down motion. Just a quick up motion. You get what I'm saying here? It's a simple greeting. It says "I ain't no pig" or "I'm a Blood too" or "smiling is for bitches". What it doesn't say? "I still shit my pants". Someone needs to explain this to Caitlyn.

I've mentioned how much I love my new babysitter. She has taught Caitlyn so much and spends quality time with her and it's all great. We have been with her for almost 3 months now though, and I've yet to meet her boyfriend, who lives with her. This isn't a sticking point for me ... we tried to arrange a meeting and it just didn't happen because he works almost constantly.

So the babysitter and I were discussing this the other day. She mentioned that he was home the other day and offered to watch the kids while she ran out to the store or something. Despite the fact that this is the father of her son and that she trusts him completely, she respectfully declined to leave Caitlyn with him because Rodolfo and I had yet to meet him. She pointed out to him that he should think about how he would feel if they were to leave their son with a babysitter and came to pick him up to find him with someone they didn't know. It was an excellent point and I greatly appreciated her respect.

This isn't the point. My point is that we were discussing her boyfriend. She was saying how he usually comes from his first job and is home for a few minutes before leaving for his second. She pointed out that Caitlyn does know him, but mostly in passing. She told me that when he sees her, he greets her in a way that is unusual to greet a baby. He greets her with the thug head-nod. And she responds to his greeting, naturally, by returning the gesture. Which explains why she was doing this last weekend at my mother's house. I couldn't figure that one out for shit.

So once again, Caitlyn has proven that she is the Tupac to my Bow wow. I simply can't keep up with her level of street cred.

No.....Babysitter drama? Really? Are you sure?

I've been wanting to make a post all week about our new babysitter. The problem is, I have nothing to snark about so this is going to be a boring post.

S. is just lovely. She has a two and a half year old son, who immediately made Caitlyn his new BFF. He calls her "KK", which is fucking adorable, and follows her around and plays with her all day long. The other day when it was really hot outside, S. took them out and let them play in the sprinklers. Which reminds me, Caitlyn is walking like crazy now... running actually, and now she has a new little friend to run with.

I've been really open about the problems I've had with my sister and her babysitting skills. It wasn't ever that I felt she wasn't taking care of Caitlyn, but it always seemed more like a chore than anything else to her... like she loves Caitlyn and all, but it's always been rather obvious that she would love being around her even more if there wasn't any responsibility attached. It's so strange to me that I've found a stranger who truly seems to enjoy caring for my daughter, much more so than I ever felt my sister did. And as much as I realize it's only been a week and my feeling may change, I just get such a great vibe from her.

When someone interviews you for a job, I think it's pretty easy to see what an employer wants. At my old job, personality was so important. Anyone who wasn't completely oblivious could take a few minutes and talk to some of the people who already worked there and understand what we were looking for. And besides that, there are the obvious stand-bys: responsible, reliable, trustworthy. Those are important in any job. I think it's easy to get a feel for a place, but when someone is hiring you to watch their child it's just different. Obviously they want to know you won't leave the kid alone in the bathtub while you go do bumps of coke. But really, people's parenting styles and ideals and all that bullshit are so different. So I think it's harder to put on a show besides "I don't do coke".

My sister, for example, has different ideals than I do. Obviously. We've discussed that shit to death. In her opinion, the worst thing I could have ever possibly done is find a STRANGER on craigslist to watch Caitlyn. But then, isn't it funny how that stranger seems to share my ideas about parenting? Isn't is amazing that she spends quality time teaching and playing with my daughter and doesn't seem overwhelmed and annoyed about it? Isn't it just wonderful that when I pick Caitlyn up, instead of scouring the room for her stuff thats been strewn all over the place, it's neatly packed in her diaper bag, along with a little note addressed to "mommy and daddy" with a run-down of her day? Or the fact that she embraces my preference to give Caitlyn encouragement, hugs and kisses when she's having a bad moment, as opposed to letting her "cry it out" when she's "being a brat". It's fucking magical, that's what it is.

The point of this post wasn't to bash my sister, though it always seems to go that way. My point is that I'm just so very happy with our new babysitter. She's exactly what I hoped to find. She appreciates Caitlyn's bouncy, cheerful (and just a teensy bit spoiled) personality and gives her time to nourish her creativity, energy and intelligence. And maybe I'll be able to appreciate my sister a little more. We can enjoy each other's company without all the undercurrent of our clashing parenting styles.

Judgement

I've always been close with my mom. We talk about everything, and I absolutely always felt like I would model my parenting style after hers. But now, as a parent myself, I realize that you can't be exactly like anyone else. You have to do what's best for you and your kid. It also occurs to me that my mom was a single mom, so she didn't really have to run things by my father and compromise on anything. She did everything exactly how she wanted to do it and didn't have to answer to anyone, including her own mother, who died when I was only a few months old.


I'm not saying I've had a huge shift in my ideas about parenting and I still agree with my mom on the big stuff, but I find myself increasingly annoyed by the little things she judges me for. This all came to a head a few days ago, on Facebook.

My sister had a few people over on New Year's Day. I wouldn't call it a party necessarily, just an impromptu get-together with beers. Ok, that probably sounds like a party. My point is that there was beer. I wasn't drinking, and neither was my husband, but some others did drink a little. Nadine was there too, and she snapped a picture on her phone of Caitlyn in my nephew's high chair. She thought it would be funny to put her beer in the cup holder and snap the shot.

I thought the picture was funny, and that Caitlyn looked exceptionally adorable, so I asked Nadine to post it on Facebook so I could save it when I got home. So that's what she did. This is apparently what my mother saw:
Besides the annoyed comments she left on Nadine's Facebook, she sent me multiple text messages about how I should ask her to immediately remove such a troublesome photo. Someone could see it! And think I'm a bad mother! And call the police! What if my husband and I ever break up? He could use it against me in court! Apparently it's irrelevant that he was there when the picture was taken. Obviously dads are supposed to get drunk and moms are supposed to tend to the kids!

It seems when you become a parent absolutely everyone feels justified in throwing in their 2 cents about how you should raise your kids. I guess I could understand the hoopla if Caitlyn had been DRINKING A BEER in this picture. And it's not as though there's a cocaine-lined mirror and razor blade resting on the high chair in front of her.

If it was just my mom I could just chalk it up to her being opinionated. But everyone loves to tell me everything I'm doing wrong. In fact, my sister and fought today over some stupid shit like this.

Maybe you remember a few months back when I mentioned how my sister and her husband kept commenting how my daughter "should be on a schedule". At the time I worked in retail and with a constantly changing schedule for both me and my husband, it was impossible. And it wasn't only that. I don't necessarily agree with their point of view on schedules. They are so rigid with their son. The way I do things, I just live my life and add my baby to my regular stuff. They do everything around the strict schedule they have my nephew on. "Want to go to lunch?". "Can't, it's nap time- talk to me in 2 hours!". My mom lives a couple of hours away and if they are making a trip they ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT leave before or after a certain time because it will be time for him to eat or sleep or whatever. So if they are running 20 minutes late, they have to push their plans back by 2 hours. Maybe our differences in the way we live our lives is why I feel so fulfilled by my daughter and they seem burdened and exhausted all the time. But whatever, just a theory.

I was going somewhere with this. So now that I'm working a regular schedule, I am trying to get Caitlyn to go to bed a little earlier (meaning before midnight). That means less nap time during the day so she's tired and wants to go to sleep at night. I told this to my sister and she told me she would "try it for a week, but if she's fussy, I'm going to let her sleep as long as she wants". She "tried it" for 2 days and today she decided that she "has to do what is easiest" for her so she will be letting Caitlyn take 2 hour naps as opposed to the 1 hour I talked to her about.

I won't get into all the details of why it's absolutely infuriating, but the thing that pisses me off the most is how hard she pushed on the schedule bullshit early on. Today she actually said to me "well, you didn't want to put her on a schedule when it was inconvenient for me, but now that you are inconvenienced, you want me to make it harder for me". When we argued about schedules the first time around, she was adamant that it wasn't for her benefit, that she simply thought it was "the best thing for Caitlyn". Bitch.

I can't say I've never judged someone's parenting. I've judged my sister. When I told her I would be breastfeeding, she told me it was GROSS and how she would never do that. When I struggled with infertility, she whined about how she wanted a baby way longer then I did because her husband refused to get her pregnant when she was 19, unwed and living with 4 roommates. So when she comments on my parenting, I definitely take a moment and think "wow, I'm a way better parent then you". What I DON'T do is say that shit out loud. She still hasn't learned that lesson, apparently.

I guess I just think people should back the fuck off. I'm a good mom! Caitlyn is happy and lovely and sweet. She loves people and animals and is the most good-natured kid I've ever encountered. Is it possible that I'm doing something right? Mom's of whiny kids (my siiiiiissssster!) take note.

6 Months

Today Caitlyn had her 6 month well baby visit and vaccinations. She was officially 6 months old on the 7th. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. I can't picture my life before she was here but it seems so ridiculous that it's been half a year already. I've learned some stuff about myself since she's been born that surprised me. So here what I didn't expect:

1. I'm not really the nursery rhyme type. I sing Taio Cruz songs to Caitlyn and she loves it. And sometimes I start singing any song that pops into my head to her and I have to remind myself that the lyrics aren't really appropriate to sing to a child -If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. It's especially funny when I use Caitlyn's name instead of the word bitch- that's how I justify singing Jay-Z songs to my infant.

2. I never thought I'd be the type to get competitive with other moms in a playground bitch sort of way but I totally am. I think my kid is better then everyone else's. Cuter and smarter too. And not just in the obligatory way. I truly believe that she is far more advanced then all the dumb babies around me (did I mention that she said mama at 5 months?). And you can't even get mad at me for it. Because you think your kid is better too.

3. I never thought I'd be so concerned about the color, texture and smell of another person's shit. If you are curious, we are currently at the "brown, sticky, elephant" stage- only recently upgraded from "green, chunky, sour".

4. I am, in fact, the type of person who can get sucked in to feeling guilty about wanting to stop breastfeeding. Before Caitlyn was born, I always thought that breastfeeding moms were a little too intense about being anti-formula and how I wouldn't have any qualms about changing Caitlyn over to formula if breastfeeding got to be too difficult. But that's just not the reality. I feel like a bad mom who is putting convenience over what is best for my child. I feel like I would be giving her artifical crap instead of something natural and healthy. I feel intensely protective of the fact that this should be my decision and I shouldn't feel pressured by anyone else to stop breastfeeding. I feel grateful to our pediatrician for telling me I gave Caitlyn a great start, but also a little sad that he was so quick to throw formula samples at me instead of encouraging me to keep giving her breastmilk. I feel so torn.

5. As a kid, I never understood why my mom saw pets as such an inconvenience. It's because they fucking are an inconvenience. I got shit to do, dog.

6. It was quite shocking to realize I married a baby retard. He's the most logical man I know, how is he so bad at this?

7. I can no longer watch the news or movies that have sad storylines involving children. Because I cry like a little bitch baby. Seriously, there was a story on the news tonight about a charity that is doing a coat drive and they were showing the people putting coats on little kids who were standing outside in the cold- apparently previously coatless- and I totally lost my shit.

And now for the things I have learned about Caitlyn:

1. Caitlyn thinks Rodolfo's stern voice is hilarious. Whenever he sounds annoyed about anything she watches him intently and cracks up. This is his punishment from God for being an asshole.

2. She'd rather stand, so please stop trying to sit her down.

3. She doesn't think the pets are an inconvenience, and she regards them with amusement, adoration and just a little too much grabbing of fistfuls of fur.

4. She is a black hole for socks.

5. She has figured out the best way to clear out her teething induced nasal congestion is to scrunch up her nose and snort. It is quite possibly the cutest and funniest thing I have ever seen.

6. She would REALLY love the opportunity to feed herself. Oh, wait, not really. Actually she just wants to knock the entire bowl of cereal out of my hand so the dog can have a treat.

7. She is Baby McGuyver. Today at the doctor's office, I was holding her while talking to the doctor and she was fiddling with my necklace. Then I heard something drop. I looked down and saw my necklace was open and what I had heard dropping was the heart pendant on it. I was sad because it's the necklace my mom gave me shortly after I lost Nicholas, and it has his name on it and a great deal of sentimental value and now it was broken. Or so I thought. When I actually looked at it, I saw that it was NOT broken. My 6 month old daughter unhooked it. How the fuck is that even possible? Apparently she had a paper clip, dental floss and a stick of gum in her diaper. Baby McGuyver!

8. She is just about the greatest thing ever. Seriously. Everyone who meets her thinks she's the most cheerful, hilarious baby they've ever seen. Refer to list 1, point 2.

Maternal Instinct! ...Paternal Instinct?

We all know that mom's just KNOW. Whether you needed a shoulder to cry on or you were standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open for the millionth time even though she always yelled at you for it, somehow, our moms had that instinct. That we needed her, that we were in trouble, that we were lying. It never made sense to me as a kid. Now that I'm a mom myself, I can see everything involving Caitlyn with laser focus.

At first, it's the hormones. Your body knows what your baby needs from minute one. If you tried to actually think about everything your baby needs from you from the moment they are born, your head would probably explode because it seems so overwhelming at first. The first few weeks of Caitlyn's life, I was surprised by the way my body just took over. My boobs went to work, gradually making more milk as Caitlyn needed it. They would leak if she cried, if I held her or smelled her. My boobs knew what their job was.

Even my sleeping patterns changed. Caitlyn was never what I would call a fussy baby, and even her first night home from the hospital she slept 4 or 5 hours at a time. But my body wouldn't let me go into a deep sleep. I was exhausted. I should have been out cold. Normally, I'm a heavy sleeper, nothing wakes me. But from the minute Caitlyn came home, just the sound of her moving around even a little bit is enough to wake me up. That actually surprised me. I feared that she would scream for hours before it woke me up.

Like I said, the physical changes were automatic and immediate. But now I notice a different kind of instinct. Maybe not even instinct necessarily. I think part of it is a hyper-awareness of every little thing Caitlyn does and wants and needs. Or maybe that's exactly what instinct is. My point is that I know her and I can anticipate her needs and moods with surprising accuracy. If she's fussy I can look at her or listen to her cry and know exactly what she wants. I notice the nuances of her personality and the subtlest things seem ridiculously obvious to me. I can even do it over the phone. If my husband or sister calls me while I'm working and tells me that Caitlyn is fussy, I can have them tell me what she did in the last couple of hours and pick up on what's bothering her in a second.

This is not a special talent or anything. I'm pretty sure every mom has it. The thing that I find odd is that my husband has no sort of paternal instincts, it would seem. I mean, the instinct to keep her safe and to love her are there, of course. But nothing else seems easy to him. When she cries, he doesn't know why or what to do. He doesn't even have an idea. If a bottle or a diaper change doesn't fix the problem, he's at a loss. And even when those things do work, he's pretty much just blindly trying to find a fix. He can't look at her and hear her cry and say "oh, she's hungry", he doesn't notice that she shields her eyes from the light when she's tired. He doesn't recognize her annoyed cry when nobody is paying attention to her and all she wants is someone to play with. And when he can't figure it out, he gets frustrated and gives up. His logic is "she is fed and changed and she is still crying. I've done all I can and eventually she will stop if I just leave her alone for a while". He actually does the same thing to me when we are fighting. He thinks if he ignores the problem it will go away. After 5 years, you would think he would realize that chicks just don't operate that way. Ignoring us only pisses us off even more.

And there are other little things I notice too. She's about to be 5 months old. Every aspect of our existence for the last 5 months has revolved around filling the needs of this tiny human being. Her needs are pretty straightforward. The bottom line is to keep her comfortable. That means fed, clean, amused and not in any pain.

The other night I came home from work and he tells me she's been crying for the last hour. I pick her up and she is sweating. It was one of those nights before the temperature dropped back down, when the humidity was super high and we were waiting on a storm front. It was roughly 80 degrees in my house. Caitlyn was in a long sleeved sleeper with a onesie underneath. Isn't that just common sense? He has this idea in his head that she's running like 10 degrees cooler than an adult for some reason. Even when I stripped her down to her onesie, flipped on the air-conditioner and had her calm and comfy within 5 minutes, he argued with me that she was "too cold".

And he doesn't know what kind of wipes to get her. I sent him to the store the other day because we were running out. I'm not particularly picky about most things, but I've consistently used the same wipes for the last 4 and a half months because most wipes give her a rash. So he comes back and he's got the wrong ones. "She will be fine, just use these". And now she has a rash, of course. I guess I don't understand how he doesn't know. It's been 5 MONTHS!

I don't know where I was going with this exactly. I guess I just find it sort of strange, because mothering my child isn't something I had to think about ever. It just happens. Is it just him, or is this a guy thing? Tell me my husband isn't just an emotional retard.

Breakfast

Caitlyn and I have a pretty well established routine on days that I'm off or closing. We've basically been doing it since she was a month old, when Rodolfo's parents went back home. It goes like this: she will wake up around 8am or so, I'll feed her and we will play for an hour or two. After that she's ready for a nap. On those late days, we nap together. It's one of my favorite things. We cuddle up in my bed and sleep for an hour or so. It reminds me a little bit of when I was pregnant with her... we are all smooshed together and warm and cozy. I sleep SO good during my naps with Caitlyn. I hope she doesn't grow out of nap time with Mommy any time soon.

Today I didn't have to be in till 1:30pm, so Caitlyn and I took our regular nap together. I remember thinking as I was dozing off how her eating habits have changed. Since we started solids a few weeks ago, she is becoming less and less interested in drinking milk. She was drinking 5 or 6 ounces at a feeding, and now I'm lucky if I can get her to drink 3 or 4. I mean, it makes sense. Solid food is more filling, obviously. What always makes me worry is her first feeding though. When she gets up in the morning, I give her a bottle. She doesn't get solid food till after our nap. You would think after sleeping for 7 or 8 hours she would want to eat her entire bottle, but she just can't be bothered with it. My point isn't necessarily that I'm concerned. I'm all about letting her figure out what she needs (to the extent that a baby can do that, of course) and not trying to push her to do everything the way I imagine it should go. My point, really, is just that all this was going through my head as I was dozing off.

Caitlyn's food preferences must have leaked into my subconcious because I had a dream that we had gotten up from our nap and I was preparing her cereal. I was talking to her like I always do, and I asked her if she was ready for her breakfast. Then she said "breakfast"... actually, to be accurate, she said "breafest". At this point in the dream my mom was standing next to me and I turned to her and said "did she just say breakfast?". Then I kept telling Caitlyn to say it again, and she did a couple more times. Then it occurred to me that "breakfast" really shouldn't be her first word and I kept trying to get her to say Mama.

In real life, she's obviously not ready to start talking yet, but actually this isn't the first time I had a dream like this. And she never says Mama. I'm going to be super disappointed if her first word is anything other then her asking for me. My own mother is convinced that her first attempt at mimicking a sound is going to be her barking back at the dog. She's probably right too.

Babysitterless

I mentioned in one of my first posts that my sister and brother-in-law have been babysitting for me since I went back to work. My sister only works part time and my brother-in-law is a teacher, and her schedule is quite flexible so there is always someone home with their son and my daughter. Or there was.

I knew it was coming. Before Caitlyn was even born, I knew. A. (my sister) is the type to change her mind in the blink of an eye. When I was pregnant, she was babysitting for a friend of hers a couple of days a week and one day just decided she was done with it. The official story was that the friend's daughter was in day care most other days and was "always sick" and my sister didn't want her son getting sick all the time. When we made arrangements for her to watch Caitlyn, this was obviously a point of concern for me. I couldn't just have her decide one day that she didn't feel like doing it anymore. So we talked about it. She assured me that she would "never do that" to me. She emphasized that her friend was 1. not paying her, 2. already comfortable with the day care her daughter attended so she wasn't worried about sending her for an extra day or two and 3. that she was really just worried about her son's health... since my daughter wouldn't be in day care at all, we wouldn't have to worry about her bringing other kids germs around all the time. She never mentioned being overwhelmed or feeling like she couldn't handle more then one kid. Not even once.

There has been tension between us lately. I could feel her resentment the day last week that she sent me a bitchy text message about how she couldn't believe I'd forgotten Caitlyn's pacifier because she had things to do and couldn't " hold her all day". I found it especially odd because Caitlyn is almost always fine to play with a toy or just hang out. She's not high maintenance at all, so I couldn't figure out why my sister was OMG SO ANNOYED. I texted her back with obvious sarcasm "oh is she that much of a nightmare to watch? Just give her a toy or put her in the jumperoo" and "have you never forgotten anything". What I got back were 7 back to back messages about how I have NO IDEA how hard it is to watch 2 kids at once and how dare I even say such a thing to her! Oh and "yes, sometimes she IS A NIGHTMARE". Hmmm... are you sure you don't mean your own kid? I took the high road and kept that comment to myself...along with about 6 others, almost all of which included the word "cunt".

Then there was the comment she made to me when I picked Caitlyn up on Saturday. She made some bitchy reference to how I'm only paying her like $4 an hour. And yeah, that week it did come out to about that. But she seems to forget about the occasions where she only babysat one or two days and I paid her the same flat $100 for the week. In my opinion, it was a fair arrangement for both of us. There were weeks I made out better and weeks where she did. And hey, remember how I mentioned that she did it for her friend for FREE?

So it isn't even like she mentioned to me more then just the one time that she was feeling a little overwhelmed. But then today I get a text message that said "I need to talk to you and Rodolfo". And that's when I found out I no longer have a babysitter. We discussed, in detail, before Caitlyn was born that if she decided she didn't want to babysit anymore that she needed to give me a reasonable amount of time to make other arrangements. We haven't discussed that yet, but I really hope she understands that a week isn't reasonable time. She's selfish in that way... when she stopped babysitting for her friend she told her 2 or 3 days before she was supposed to babysit and thought that was plenty of time. Which is why we had the conversation about "reasonable time" in the first place. So I'm wondering how that conversation is going to go.

And ok, just to go to the bitter place, let's smack talk for a minute, shall we? This woman is the same person who wants "at least 2, but probably 3" children. This is the woman who knew at 18 that the only aspiration she ever had for herself was to be a mother. She didn't want a career, didn't bother to even finish high school. She just wanted a dude with a good job to take care of her while she stayed home and shot out babies. That's always been her plan. And, in fact, when her husband pushed her to have some sort of goal for herself, the best she could come up with was that she would L-O-V-E to open a daycare. She went so far as to look into how to get certified and what she would need to do to make it happen. And I know, a few minutes worth of research doesn't sound like anything, but damn, that's because you don't know my sister. For her, that's the closest she's ever come to a career.

So I guess I'm curious what she thinks the reality of any of these things would be. Does she expect it to be magically easier to care for more then one kid when they are both her own and she has to do it all the time? Umm, yeah, not really. Especially since she turns them into overscheduled whiners. And with the daycare thing, did she think she was going to just throw on "Finding Nemo" for half a dozen kids and rake in a bunch of cash without doing any real work?

My problem now is that I don't have a plan. Daycare isn't going to work for me. My schedule is too flexible...my hours are too varied. Most daycares aren't open past 7pm and that's not even close to late enough for it to work. And even if it would, I really don't want to leave my kid at a daycare. Not to say I couldn't find a trustworthy person or place, but in a daycare setting, no matter how good a person is, one kid can't be the priority over all others. And I need to know that my kid is the priority. As far as finding a babysitter that will come to my home or whose home I can take Caitlyn to, well, in theory I would be more comfortable with that. Unfortunately, peace of mind ain't cheap, and a stranger isn't going to take $4 an hour to watch an infant. So right now... I just don't know where I'm at. I considered talking to my boss about working a 4 day week with 10 hour days as opposed to 5- 8 hour days but Rodolfo doesn't seem to think she would go for it (my boss is notoriously family unfriendly).

Just overall this whole situation makes me long for a major change in my career path. I've gotten stuck in this retail rut for 10 years now and I hate it. At 18 I wasn't focused enough to realize that I didn't have all the time in the world and that HEY- SCHOOL IS EXPENSIVE AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL PAY IF I GO NOW BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS POOR! If only I could talk to my 18 year old self...smack her upside her head and tell her not to waste her life and intelligence recommending outfits to people I don't give a shit about and dealing with crazy people who like to shit in fitting rooms (true story). I know that wisdom comes with experience, and nobody is expected to have that wisdom at 18, but fuck, a drop of common sense would have been helpful. If I had a regular job, with regular hours and the money and opportunities I deserve, I surely wouldn't be in this situation right now.

Bloggin' and Bitchin'

Not Ferberized

So this is my first blog post and I wanted to tell you a little bit about it. I'm going to talk about my life, and my life revolves around my daughter. Just in general I have my own way of doing things when it comes to parenting. I think it's funny and a little bit retarded when people read books about parenting and decide that's the kind of parent they want to be. I haven't done what I would call research in this particular area, so correct me if I'm wrong, but the two main things I hear about a lot are attachment parenting and the Ferber method. From my understanding they are pretty much opposites of each other. One says "be all up on your baby all the time" and the other says "leave that kid alone and let him figure it out on his own". Both of these ideas are stupid if you ask me. First, let's talk about a little thing called EVOLUTION. The reason we have survived for thousands of years is because it in ingrained in us, how to raise our children, how to keep them safe and hopefully have them grow into well-adjusted adults. Can't people just follow their instincts? And babies aren't dolls or dogs. We can't just bend them to our will. They are individuals. The very premise of having a child is to mix DNA with someone you love to create A WHOLE NEW PERSON. And people have opinions, preferences, things that piss them off. Caitlyn, for example, for every single day of her life, sleeps with her arms up over her head. It's just what is comfortable for her. Which brings me to what's really been annoying me: my sister and brother-in-law.

My brother-in-law read all the books. Therefore, he obviously knows everything there is to know about babies, right? RIGHT??? It started when I was pregnant. Their son is 7 months older than Caitlyn and he was a nightmare the first couple of months. He screamed constantly. And it was their fault. He has reflux, they finally figured out after changing his formula 5 times in the first month of his life (on a side note, I'm not usually one to judge when someone doesn't breastfeed, but my sister wouldn't even TRY...she thought it was "gross"). All those changes caused him to be gassy, constipated, overtired and flat out douchey on an almost constant basis. Especially coupled with the fact that they aren't patient people and found the fastest nipples possible and practically poured formula down his throat (he would eat 6oz in 5 minutes. I wish I was kidding). So they had all these troubles, and truthfully, they still do. He's such a whiner. I love him and all, but they turned him into the baby who needs everything to be JUUUUST right or he won't eat, can't sleep, can't poop, screams endlessly. And they try to give me advice. First it was swaddling. T. (the brother-in-law) would tell me before Caitlyn was even born "you know Jaclyn, you should swaddle her a lot when she is born, babies need to be swaddled, it reminds them of being in the womb and it's the only way Shawn will sleep". Hmmm, really? Then why did you spend months bitching about how sleep deprived you were because Shawn never wanted to sleep? Of course, that's what I said in my head, what I said out loud was something like "well, every baby is different, but I will give it a try". Then I got "well, you know at first we thought Shawn hated it, but it turns out we were doing it wrong. Bring her over after she is born, I can show you the RIGHT way to swaddle". Eye roll.

His newest thing is that he keeps pushing me to let him "put Caitlyn on a schedule" for me (they babysit while I'm at work). Let me explain that I'm not a baby retard. I understand that they do need some sort of regularity in their lives. And she has that. But my husband and I work retail and our schedules change constantly. Some days I'm in at 7am and some days I don't go in till 3pm. It's virtually impossible to keep the exact same schedule every day. So we are flexible, and I think that's a GOOD thing. Imagine what my life would be like if Caitlyn was on a strict schedule and half the time I had to pick her up from her babysitter at 11pm and completely disturb her sleep. Then I'd have a cranky asshole too. So we are realistic about what is possible. Most nights she doesn't go to bed till 11 or midnight. But then she sleeps till 8 most mornings. On days when we need to get her up earlier we do, and then she will go back to sleep till 10 or so. And between 7am and

Clearly Exhausted from a lack of a cohesive schedule.

around 2pm, she takes 30-40 minute naps every 2 hours no matter if she's at home in her crib, resting in her swing or en route to my sister's house in her car seat. Once we hit the late afternoon, she tends to be awake more often. When she gets really tired she takes 15 minute cat naps then she's up again. I don't think that just because she doesn't eat and nap at the same time every day that I'm doing something wrong. Especially since my kid is awesome and sweet and smiles all the time.

Ok, so clearly this devolved into a full-blown rant. But now you know a few things about me, I hate schedules and I'm not fond of book learnin'. That's a start.